One Step Forward, One Step Back

Today Nathan's bilirubin is down again.  He is looking a lot better.  He has started eating a half of an ounce to an ounce per feeding, usually about four or five times a day.  We even had some play time last night, and lots of very cute smiles!  Isaac has been serenading me with Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC Song when I go home, it is very cute.  He loves to say, "I Got it", "Yes, I do.", "Oh my Gosh", "I want to push the button", and "I can fix it!"  He loves playing in the park, reading, and playing with his vroom vrooms.  My mom has transformed him into another St. Louis Cardinals fan.  My boys melt my heart.

Today, Nathan's oxygen keeps dropping low.  For the first time we actually have to keep him on a continuous flow of oxygen instead of the blow by.  He is not tolerating the amount of fluids they have to give him.  They took a chest X-Ray this morning, and the amount of fluid in his lungs has increased. They are going to give him an extra dose of diuretic this evening.  They are also going to ween him off the Fentanyl tomorrow, which is his pain medication.  I just keep holding him in my arms and praying over him for healing, for his little body to work the way it should.

I had an ultrasound of my gallbladder yesterday.  I do have gallstones, and it looks like I will have to have my gallbladder removed.  I have a consult with surgery on Friday.  Surgery could be next week.  I don't want to do it if Nathan is as unstable as he is now.  I will wait and see what the Dr. says on Friday.

Its seems like for every step forward, there is one step back.  Today, I can't help but feel worried.  Everything is still so delicate.  I am tense, I feel like at any point in time things could get a lot more serious.  I am looking forward to days when things will be much more simple.

 . . . I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me . . . . another step forward.