A Great Tapestry

It was Thursday when I first noticed blood in Nathans urine.  At first the doctor thought it could be his urine was just concentrated, until the next day it got darker.  The urine analysis tested positive for blood.  Then his bilirubin level started to increase.  An ultrasound of his kidneys were normal.


It was a great weekend with my little boy full of joy and laughter, and my great friend and her two boys.  It was a blessing, thanks to my husband for taking care of Nathan at the hospital.


When I got to the hospital on Sunday after not seeing him for almost three days, I was surprised to see how much worse he was.  He belly was swollen and distended.  His O2 count was low.  He kept grunting, and his belly was very tender.  On my way back to the hospital called the doctor called saying they suspected Nathan has veno-occlusive disease (VOD), a very serious disorder in transplant patients that affects the liver.  Damage to the liver is irreversible, and if left untreated can be fatal.  My heart sunk.  The chemotherapy is very hard on the liver and kidneys, and I had been worried.  I was so touched that the doctor was in the atrium when I got there to talk to me.  We are blessed with amazing doctors filled with compassion.


On Monday he had an ultrasound of his liver and a chest x-ray.  The ultrasound was normal.  His liver tissue is healthy, it is just not functioning properly.  His bilirubin level keeps increasing.  The X-ray showed he has fluid in his lungs, which is what is decreasing his oxygen count.  The doctors still think he has VOD.  


In all of this, God has put people in my path to show me a glimpse of his greater purpose.  The staff here not only care about Nathan, but about me too, and made me go to the doctor.  I found out that I have possible gall stones and a UT infection.  The doctor there made room for to see me yesterday.  She offered to drive me back to the hospital and took me to get something to eat.  On the way back, she was playing Christian music.  I asked her if she was a Christian, and she was indeed.  She told me how life is like looking at a messy piece of artwork with expanse of knots and loose threads.  Its ugly without meaning, not pretty in the least.  You can't see the whole picture.  But on the other side it is a beautiful tapestry.  The artist tied each piece together to create a beautiful master piece of art.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28


God used this amazing, loving woman to show me not to be focused on this moment. God has a bigger plan and purpose.  I admit I'm incredibly stressed, and scared.  But God is still with us.  I am looking forward to joy ahead (1 Peter 1:6).  I am trying to not be anxious or fearful, and put my trust in the Lord.  It's not that the Lord is not capable of healing Nathan.  Our heavenly father is omnipotent, all powerful, there is nothing he can't do.  We just do not know if it is the Lord's plan to heal Nathan, and that is what scares me.  But the Lord wants us to pour out our hearts to him:


Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:8


My heart is crying out to God to heal my son, to protect Isaac, and to and to bring Shawn and I closer to him.