Day -7
Another day of chemo is done, one step closer in this journey. Nathan is still doing great. The anti-seizure medication may be making him tired so he slept a lot today. Then I got to enjoy my sweet boy tonight as he was awake from 5 to 11. His little personality was back with all of his grunts, cute coos, and looking all around.
As precious as those moments were, my heart was torn. Much of the time recently, I feel numb to most things. But today, my heart aches for all of the moments I am missing with Isaac. I love the way he says "tute" for cute. He started singing songs, I love to hear his sweet voice. He loves itsy bitsy spider and twinkle twinkle little star. He has new routines, and I am not a part of them. Two sons, two worlds, one family.
I tried to look to the word, for He has to be my comforter. God put it on my heart that if my pain is so great being separated from Isaac . . . it pales in comparison to the pain our father feels when his children are eternally separated from him. His love for us is so much more than we could ever imagine. His sacrifice was so much greater. My sacrifice, this trial, is only for a season.
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Psalm 119:76
God answered another prayer today, and I am thankful. I had to really change my perspective and be thankful for the lords blessings. This is the day the Lord has made, I choose to rejoice and be glad in it. Our God is good.
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